THE TIME BOMB
Can you hear the clock ticking? While I used the human condition as a metaphor for Nigeria, you know, High Blood Pressure and all that, it was clear in my mind so many decades ago (So quaintly in the ‘20th Century) that we were sitting on a time bomb. Well as we all can see,…
A TALE OF TWO CITIES
At the time this was written, Lagos was an ‘overcrowded’ city of some five million people. Since then, Ikoyi and Victoria Island have been supplanted by Banana Island as the ultra-exclusive enclave of the rich and famous. Add the whole Lekki strap of real estate and it becomes a tale of three or perhaps four…
HOPE AND HOPELESSNESS
This is an eerily prescient piece because it echoes the near-universal global angst about the future of planet Earth and locally, the present sense of hopelessness we feel about the future of our country Nigeria. It seems our day of reckoning has arrived as we are caught in the unrelenting grip of manifold existential crisis….
OGA GENERAL
We have to lift a 100 million Nigerians out of poverty. That’s all I have to say. Enjoy! Dear Oga Patapata, I throwey salute o! I know say you never know me before, but I no think say dat one matter. Because as oga patapata consine, you no go fit know all the peoples wey you…
SHADOW BOXING
This was written in the immediate aftermath of the coup that ushered in the military government of General Buhari. In those days we naively believed that a Military government was always the antidote to a malfunctioning civilian government like the Shehu Shagari administration. I even speculated then given the ubiquity and centrality of the military…
THE COMPASS
I still get the occasional reference to this piece by total strangers who somehow still remember it 36 years on. As far as allegorical stories go, this is a classic about Nigeria, even if I say so myself. Three decades ago, the legacy of Britain’s perfidy and the spring-loaded self destruct ordinance it bequeathed to…
WISDOM OF SOLOMON
This piece was the preface to a longer lead story that was possibly about justice. Again against the backdrop of the #EndSars…Justice today remains elusive. Enjoy! The law is an ass. Many especially those who have suffered under the anvil of justice and vehemently protesting their innocence, implicitly believe this statement. And even those who…
CIVILISING THE SOLDIER
It is inescapable given the present outrage expressed in the #Endsars movement not to connect the systemic impunity of uniformed officers with then and now. The disdain and disrespect for civilians probably started with the coup of 1966. The armed forces in the course of their rise, State Capture and decades-old grip on political power…
WAR OF THE WORDS
Ah… sometimes I wistfully ache for the good old days when the media channels for this political war was limited to a predictable daily cycle of newspapers, television and radio. Nowadays the news cycle is twenty-hours and there is, of course, social media and the Internet. The medium might have changed, but the message remains…
THE SUBSISTENCE TRAP
Well… decades on, the hustle is real. Upon reflection, the reference to ‘a Neanderthal appreciation of food and shelter,’ was my own way of describing the lowest rungs of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. With over 90 million Nigerians wallowing in systemic and multi-dimensional poverty, most Nigerians will never climb up that ladder to the point…
THE POLICEMAN’S DILEMMA
Against the increasing call for a comprehensive reform of the Nigeria Police Force, this piece is eerily prescient and relevant. I think that like most national institutions nothing has really changed for the better with our police force in the 37 years this piece was written. Although I now laugh at my youthful earnestness and…
SENTINELS AT WAR
Against the backdrop of the ongoing #EndSars campaign in the public protests against police brutality, the revolutionary impact of Social Media is in sharp contrast to my reality as a young journalist 37 years ago. All I can say is thank God for the Internet and Social Media. The new reality for good, bad and…
PATRIOTISM BY FORCE
This piece along with some others to be published was written during the administration of the then General Buhari. A major policy initiative of his regime was the storied War Against Indiscipline. Upon reflection I now understand why this adaptive challenge could only be framed as a militaristic technical solution akin to warfare. In the…
BUILDING A NIGERIAN NATION
Well, there it is. The cogent submission and guidelines for evolving from a country to a nation in less than 500 words. Now understand that when this was written 36 years ago 75% of Nigerians living today had not been born. Fast forward to present times, we are still more country than the nation and…
WHEN PIGS FLY
When pigs fly as a metaphor for a probable Nigerian utopia is one of my favourite piece. As I read it again, I could feel the same rush of emotions come flooding in. As a young man I believed that a Nigerian pig could fly, now I understand that pigs typically don’t fly Enjoy! Although…
DIVIDED WE STAND?
‘To keep Nigeria one is a task that MUST be done!’ I still remember this ubiquitous radio PSA issued by the Military authorities during the turbulence of the civil war between 1966 to January 1970. This and a handful of memorable jingles are etched in the subconscious minds of a generation of Lagosians physically removed…
THEATRE OF THE ABSURD, II
But all hope is not lost for Nigeria, despite the foreboding. We can if we are prepared to make sacrifices, redeem – somewhat – and refurbish our sullied image. All our most bizarre quirks can actually be harnessed and put to work for us, instead of against us. And so, instead of trying to swim…
THEATRE OF THE ABSURD, I
Hmmmmmmm… Nigeria and absurdity! What can I possibly say? My anguished bemusement and anger as a young man have since given way to a jaded acceptance of the reality of Nigeria as it is..not as it ought to be. Nigeria is beyond satire. Even Franz Kafka would strain to write about Nigeria. This two-part series…
THE CONSPIRACY
As the man once said, ‘just because I am a paranoid schizophrenic does not mean that I don’t have enemies.’ Given the opacity of our political system and the obtuseness of Nigerians, I have over the decades evolved to have a healthy skepticism about all things Nigerians. Nothing is ever quite what it seems, and…
NIGERIA AND THE COLONIAL HANGOVER
The irony of this piece then and now does not escape me. Here we are inveighing on the psychological impact of British colonial rule in English. Then and even more so now, it clearer to me that two generations on, we really need to de-colonize our minds, way beyond the fiery rhetoric of the post-colonial…
ANATOMY OF A POLITICIAN
This was a fun piece, taking a satirical look at the politicians of the Second Republic. I suppose the description is still applicable to most of the politicians of the Fourth Republic too. I chuckle at the youthful poetic license and the somewhat cartoonish archetype employed to satirize Nigerian politicians. Even so, judging by their…
THE HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT
This house is obviously Nigeria and this is my version of its history for the first 22 years of its existence. Even then it was clear to me that there was a peculiar strain of bad leadership that always seem to bubble to the top in Nigeria. If only I could see the future to…
AN ETHICAL REVOLUTION… OR EVOLUTION?
Revolution…That word to me, readily evokes images of rebellions, uprisings, inquisitions, and angry hordes storming the Bastille of their resentment. Ethics – the system of moral principles that dictate the rules of conduct in society. Conscience, morality, and the like, are all ethical considerations. Ethical Revolution…when the President made a call for an ethical revolution,…
THE PROBLEM WITH NIGERIA IS…
Ah.. Yes our favorite trope. As a young man this ‘conversational gambit’ as I described it used to drive me up the wall. The other one, popularized in my reckoning by General Ibrahim Babangida and beloved by all incompetent and negligent leaders/rulers is ‘the situation in which we found ourselves in.’ The former exposes the…
OGA PRESIDENT
Sometimes we need to code-switch. This piece published 37 years ago is written in Pidgin English. It is not a perfect grammatical rendition of Pidgin English but it was an experiment for the writer to inhabit the persona of ordinary an ordinary Lagosian Joe Sufferhead, struggling to survive in the big city. The linguists among…
OCTOBERFEST SERIES
Oh, happy day! I offer somewhat grudging felicitation to Nigeria and Nigerians @60. This is the first of the thirty pieces excerpted from a forthcoming book of a collection of my writings mostly about Nigeria spanning almost forty years. Here is a fun fact, when this piece was published in 1982 perhaps 75% of Nigerians…
LONG READ: Tunji Lardner talks about his life and the nexus between climate change, security and development in Africa
He will open your eyes. Or rather, he won’t as much as open as he will show you where to look. Chief Executive of Nigeria’s Police Reform and Transformation Office Olatunji Lardner Jr in Nairobi on July 11, 2023. [Manyara Kinoti] “Ol’ pirates yes they rob I, sold I to the merchant ships, minutes after…
WAR OF THE WORDS
Ah… sometimes I wistfully ache for the good old days when the media channels for this political war was limited to a predictable daily cycle of newspapers, television and radio. Nowadays the news cycle is twenty-hours and there is, of course, social media and the Internet. The medium might have changed, but the message remains…